


Something Strange in Your Neighorhood

by kinoface



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Haunted Houses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-31 03:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinoface/pseuds/kinoface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sho's new house is great! Except for the part about it being haunted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Strange in Your Neighorhood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astrangerenters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerenters/gifts).



> Originally posted [here](http://je-otherworlds.livejournal.com/43284.html) for JE Otherworlds 2013. Thank you to Captain Planet, INB, and of course astrangerenters who graciously accepted fic after fic after fic from me this exchange season.

When Sho had gotten a job in the research and development department of Johnny & Associates, he'd been thrilled. It was a high-paying position in a well-known company, something to make his parents proud, show them that all those years of expensive college tuition would finally be put to good use. And when he'd learned that he would be moving into a company home -- not a dinky little apartment, but a _house_ \-- he'd been downright ecstatic.

The house was roomy, inviting. There was a spacious living room, a kitchen stocked with appliances and plenty of counter space, and a bedroom with large, east-facing windows to let in the warm morning sunlight. Each room was already furnished tastefully, but there was also enough space for him to add his own personal touches: some scented candles in the bedroom, a framed Yatterman poster in the living room, his fashion sneakers and loafers and jogging shoes all lined up in the genkan.

It was everything he'd ever wanted in a home.

Unfortunately, it was also haunted.

!

Thinking back, he realized strange things had been happening ever since he'd arrived. He'd kept misplacing items and finding them in the strangest places, kept having to unpack boxes he could have sworn he'd already unpacked. But he'd been stressed from the move, and it was easy to blame his forgetfulness on that.

Then there was the night when he woke up around 2am to the smell of gas. Upon investigation, he discovered that one of the gas burners on the stove had been left on for he didn't even know how many hours -- even though he'd ordered in that night. That, too, was easy to dismiss; friends and family were constantly teasing him for being clumsy, so it wasn't much of a stretch to imagine that he'd accidentally turned it on at some point during the day, perhaps with his hip as he'd leaned to grab a pair of chopsticks. Yes, surely that must have been it. He laughed it off, thanked his lucky stars, threw the windows open, and went back to sleep. He needed to be well-rested for his first day of work the following morning.

When he'd applied for the job, he hadn't known much about what exactly it would entail -- only that Johnny & Associates was responsible for several up-and-coming alternative energy sources, and that the listed starting salary was irresistible. And when he'd gone through the series of interviews, no one had ever bothered to explain which position they were considering him for. It wasn't until he actually arrived that he was assigned to the R&D department to work alongside his new partners, Ohno and Aiba. Sho learned quickly that his and Ohno's job consisted mostly of helping Aiba prepare for, conduct, and record the results of wild experiments, and this mostly involved holding things or tasting things or throwing things at Aiba's face as he tried on various masks.

When he wasn't experimenting with Ohno and Aiba, he was in his cubicle on the fourth floor, typing up reports in which he tried his best to translate Aiba's off-the-wall conclusions ("Electricity sure is amazing!"). His neighbors in that corner of the cubicle jungle were Ninomiya, who immediately insisted that Sho call him Nino, and Matsumoto. From what Sho could tell, they were both extremely hard workers, although he never actually _saw_ Nino do any work. He just heard all the compliments they received every time one of the higher-ups passed by. The comments made Matsumoto beam with pride, whereas Nino always responded wit a two-fingered salute and a shit-eating grin.

Sho liked his job very much.

When he returned home that night with an armful of groceries, strange occurrences were the last thing on his mind. As he finished cooking dinner, careful this time to turn off the stove, and settled into his company-provided chair with the squishy cushion and the supportive backing, all he could think of was that afternoon's "what happens when we mix these chemicals in a ventilation-free room?" experiment.

And then a pale, translucent old woman shambled across his living room and through the wall, right through his Yatterman poster.

Sho attributed it to fumes inhaled from the experiment.

The next day, he and Ohno sampled different "coffees" Aiba had made from various beans and nuts, and afterwards, as he was typing up his report, Matsumoto made exasperated noises over furiously typing fingers as Nino discussed his weekend plans of beating the latest Dragon Quest.

When he arrived home, his kitchen cupboards were completely empty. Their contents had been moved to the bathtub.

Well, Sho had been known to sleepwalk in the past.

And the next day, he tested a vacuum-powered hoverboard with Aiba and Ohno, marveled at Nino's magic tricks while Matsumoto rolled his eyes, and came home to find that everything in his refrigerator had been dumped onto his bed.

It was becoming more and more difficult to find suitable explanations.

!

"Are you all right?" Nino asked him around a mouthful of instant ramen. Nino was hunched over in his swivel chair and facing Sho's desk, his computer screen showing a half-finished game of FreeCell behind him.

Sho yawned for the fourth time in as many minutes and said, "I'm fine, thank you, just tired. I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I think my house might be..."

He trailed off, uncertain of what to say.

"Haunted?" Matsumoto supplied.

Sho gaped. "I -- what -- no, why would you -- _no_." Of course, "haunted" was exactly the word he'd been thinking of, but... that was preposterous, wasn't it?

"Happens all the time," Nino explained, too blank-faced to be lying. In the few days Sho had known him, he'd learned that Nino was a very obvious liar -- the kind who wanted the people he was bullshitting to know they were being bullshitted. But in that moment, he was talking as if he and Sho were discussing the weather or the upcoming company baseball game.

"Something about where the company gets the materials for the houses," Matsumoto said.

"I hear it saves them a lot of money," Nino added. "I respect that."

Sho mimicked a fish out of water for a few more moments before pulling himself together enough to ask, "So what do I do?"

Nino took another slurp of noodles and mumbled, "Go see Extermination on the ninth floor. I'm pretty sure they're still doing the new-employee discounts."

!

On his lunch break, Sho stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the ninth floor, more than a little apprehensive. He was still half-certain Nino and Matsumoto were pulling some kind of prank on him.

Halfway up, someone he'd never seen before boarded the elevator and pressed the button for the eleventh floor. The employee looked at the highlighted 9 and made a quiet "Ah" of acknowledgment. "Supernatural problems?" he said, smiling sympathetically.

Sho gulped. "Something like that." Maybe it wasn't a prank after all -- or perhaps it was just a very elaborate one.

When he finally arrived at the ninth floor -- with a nod and encouraging fist pump from the unnamed employee -- he was met with a long hallway, doors on each side labeled with plaques that read _AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY_. At the end of the hall was a desk at which sat a woman, with warm eyes and hair wrapped up in a bun on the top of her head. _Kanjiya,_ her name tag read.

She smiled brightly as Sho approached the desk. "Good afternoon! What brings you to the Office of Extermination?"

Sho glanced around, unsure. "I, um... I was told to come here by Ninomiya-san and Matsumoto-san down in R&D."

The woman, Kanjiya, smiled even more brightly. "Ah, you must be Sakurai-san! We've been expecting you." At what must have been a look of confusion crossing over Sho's features, she added, "You know, new employees usually come to us within the first few days, but you've held out for a surprisingly long time! Your situation must not be very dire."

"Uh..."

"Or," she amended, tilting her head, "perhaps... you're exceptionally skilled at explaining away strange happenings."

"That's me," Sho said, forcing a nervous laugh.

Kanjiya laughed as well as she turned to her computer and began typing. "Let's see, the database says you're in Clover Court -- is that correct?"

Sho nodded, wondering what else the database said about him.

"That's Quadrant C." Kanjiya swiveled to face the other corner of her desk and grabbed a hefty binder, flipping through the pages until she landed on a schedule of the upcoming week. "Does Sunday work for you?"

Sho wasn't certain what exactly he was being scheduled for, but he nodded again. Kanjiya penciled his name onto the page, then handed him a stack of papers along with a business card onto which she had written _Kitagawa, Sunday 8am - 8pm_ ; Sho accepted the stack but had no idea what any of it meant. "Um...?"

"Your assigned exterminator will arrive at your home on that date for your one-time-only free in-home consultation," Kanjiya explained, all in one breath as if she'd said it many, many times before.

"But it's Thursday! What do I do in the meantime?"

She nodded at the papers in Sho's hands. "The orientation packet has all the information you'll need." Another bright smile, somehow genuine and dismissive all at once. "Goodbye now! Have a wonderful day!"

!

Back in their corner of the cubicle jungle, Nino leaned backwards in his chair and said, "Did you ask about the new-employee discount?"

!

_So your house is occupied by unwanted otherworldly guests! If you're reading this pamphlet, you have already scheduled your one-time-only free in-home consultation and are on your way to a spirit-free home! Please make sure to read this pamphlet thoroughly **before** your appointment; you can expect your assigned exterminator to have done his or her research, and we kindly ask that you allow him or her to assume the same of you!_

_Here are some frequently asked questions about dealing with unwanted guests._

_**1\. Where are my guests from?**  
Your assigned exterminator will do his or her best to pinpoint the origin of the disturbance, but the exact answer may never be found. This is normal and will not prevent the exterminator from clearing your home of unwanted guests._

_**2\. Will my guests hurt me?**  
Most otherworldly guests are mischievous at worst, so you probably have very little to worry about beyond noisiness, electrical troubles, and precious items being moved or destroyed when you least expect it. However, injury and death are possibilities, so please be sure to sign the attached liability waiver and submit it to the Office of Extermination within twenty-four (24) hours of receiving this pamphlet. You will be charged a nominal fee for late submissions._

_**3\. What should I expect from my one-time-only free in-home consultation?**  
Your assigned exterminator will inspect your home for evidence of otherworldly guests. He or she may use tools, ask you questions, or even request that you vacate the premises while he or she conducts his or her investigation. Please assist the exterminator in whatever way(s) you can. At the end of the investigation, your assigned exterminator will help you find the extermination package that's right for you! For the duration of your assigned exterminator's stay, please treat him or her with dignity and respect. Remember, our exterminators are company employees just like you!_

_**4\. What should I do in the meantime?**  
Please know that your safety and comfort are extremely important to us, and as such, we will always strive to send your assigned exterminator to your home as soon as possible. However, appointments are on a first-come, first-serve basis, and lengthy waiting periods are sometimes necessary, especially in the winter months when guests become unruly. If you feel that you need assistance before your scheduled one-time-only free in-home consultation, we recommend purchasing a box of coarse, shaman-blessed salt (available in the shop on Floor 3!) and applying it liberally around your home. (See fig. 2 on the back page for suggested uses.) In the event of an emergency, you may contact the front desk of the Office of Extermination. Hours of operation are Monday through Friday, 8am to 5pm._

_Your assigned exterminator will be fully equipped to answer any other questions you may have at the time of your one-time-only free in-home consultation!_

_Thank you for your interest in the Office of Extermination!_

!

It was a bit of a shock to say the least. Sho went through the rest of the day feeling numb, as if he were seeing everything through a hazy lens of absurdity. He still wasn't entirely convinced that Ninomiya and Matsumoto weren't just playing some complex prank on him -- one that involved hiring extras, taking over an entire floor of the building, printing up glossy pamphlets... That idea was, admittedly, pretty absurd on its own, but if Sho had proven anything, it was that he was extremely capable of buying even the silliest explanations for odd happenings.

With everything weighing on his mind, he had trouble getting to sleep that night. He lay in bed for what felt like hours, staring into the dark corners of his bedroom and feeling simultaneously frightened of what might be lurking there and ashamed for believing there might be anything there at all.

It was long past midnight when his eyelids finally began to droop and his thoughts of salt and the money he was supposedly expected to shell out for it began to fade. But almost as soon as he'd managed to drift into sleep, he was pulled right back out of it by the sound of a sudden, clamorous gushing.

He jerked awake, momentarily panicked before he realized where he was and that the noise was coming from the bathroom down the hall. Groggily, he slipped out of bed and trudged along the hallway, where, even in the darkness, he could see the steam billowing out of the bathroom. 

Somehow the bathtub's hot water knob had been turned all the way to full blast, sending water gushing into the plugged-up tub. Sho tried to turn it off but pulled away with a gasp as soon as his hand touched the knob; the metal was scalding hot. By the time he found a washcloth to wrap around the knob so he could twist it off, the tub was already half full of steaming water. He stared at it for a few moments, heart still pounding in his chest, before rinsing his hand under cool water in the sink and heading back down the hall. He'd deal with the tub in the morning.

Back in his bedroom, his window had been flung open and his blankets, sheets, and even pillowcases had all been tossed out of it. They looked distinctly less inviting in his flowerbed than they did in his _actual_ bed.

He bought the shaman-blessed salt first thing the next morning.

!

On the day of his one-time-only free in-home consultation, his house had been thoroughly drenched in salt, most of his belongings were knocked over or missing, and his appliances had all been unplugged for fear of short-circuiting. There was also a slight buildup of trash since a sabotaged attempt at both a stove-cooked _and_ a microwaved meal had led him to choose conbini bentos for most of his sustenance.

His doorbell finally rang around noon. He was expecting perhaps a quartet of middle-aged men in grungy coveralls, but when he opened his front door, there was a woman who looked like she was a bit younger than he, with soft features and plain clothes and and a bulky utility belt that seemed almost comically large around her slender hips, though she didn't seem to have any trouble carrying its weight. 

"I'm Kitagawa," she said, bowing cordially. "I'm your assigned exterminator."

"Ah, yes! Please, come in!" He stepped back, opening the door wider to allow her in. "Sorry," he said bashfully as she stepped out of her shoes. "I usually have slippers for guests, but the, uh... _other_ guests seem to have hidden them."

A smile pulled at the corner of her mouth, but otherwise her expression remained serious. "I understand."

Without another word, she pulled a boxy, hand-held instrument with an antenna and flashing lights out of her utility belt and started walking through his house. The box lit up and dimmed, beeped and whined as she moved around each room, shaman-blessed salt crunching underfoot, her expression remaining perfectly stoic the entire time. They passed through the living room and kitchen in silence, but in the hallway on the way to the bathroom, Sho finally gathered the courage to ask, "So... can you tell where they came from?"

"Not exactly," she said, glancing at him only briefly before turning back to her instrument. "The company salvages building materials from estate sales and other undesirable locations. It's sometimes possible to pinpoint an exact origin for a particular guest, but considering the varied histories of these places, it's usually pretty difficult to tell."

Sho was still stuck on "and other undesirable locations." "Hold on," he said. "You're saying they cannibalize haunted houses to make new haunted houses?"

"Well they don't _intend_ to make new haunted houses," Kitagawa said, turning to him with one raised eyebrow. "They do it to save money."

"And how much money do they make from these exterminations?"

She regarded him coolly for a moment, then pointed down the hall. "Let's check out the bathroom, shall we?"

Occasionally, when the instrument in her hand got particularly noisy, she asked him questions about what he'd seen or heard. Sometimes she stopped him halfway through and pulled a tape recorder out of her belt and asked him to start over again from the beginning; sometimes she pulled out a notepad and scribbled something down that he couldn't make out. As they circled back around towards the genkan, Kitagawa pulled out the notepad once again to review her notes from her tour around the house.

"The same energy signature kept popping up in all the hot spots," she said, "which leads me to believe that most of it is coming from one main source -- I suspect it's the woman you saw disappear through the wall. Since it could be difficult or even impossible to locate the specific item or items she's originating from, I think your best bet is the economy package."

Sho blinked. "Um, what?"

Kitagawa rattled off the explanation as she secured the hand-held instrument in its pouch on her belt. "The economy package includes a thorough decontamination of the house as well as several trinkets of protection free of charge."

"Free of -- wait, then how much does the rest of it cost?"

"Fifty-thousand yen," she said, blank-faced. At Sho's noise of outrage, she added, "It's a good deal. The charms are very effective, and the decontamination is enough to wipe out most unwanted guests."

" _Most_?" Sho repeated, aghast. "But I want _all_ of them gone!"

"Stragglers remain only rarely," she said in a tone Sho suspected was intended to be reassuring. "But, if you do want that extra level of protection, the diamond package is another option."

Sho considers. "And how much does that one cost?"

"Seventy-thousand yen."

Sho groaned, rubbing his hands down his face. "I'll take the economy package."

Her soonest availability was Thursday, so they scheduled his economy-priced decontamination for that afternoon. After much begging and pleading, he also convinced her to give him her number in case something happened before then.

"This isn't flirting," she said, her expression stone-cold. "I _will_ cancel your decontamination if you call me for any other reason."

He absolutely believed her.

It wasn't until after she left that he remembered about the new-employee discount.

!

At work the next day, Matsumoto asked him how his "supernatural situation" was going.

"Fine, I think," he said. "Kitagawa-san is my assigned exterminator."

"I hear she's pretty good," Nino chipped in. "I haven't met her though. Yuriko-chan did mine."

Matsumoto did a poor job of trying to hide a smirk as he said, "Takeuchi-san did mine."

Nino shot him a scowl. "Show-off."

Sho had no idea what they were talking about or who any of these people were. "Kitagawa-san seemed pretty scary."

"Don't worry," Matsumoto said, waving a hand to dismiss his concern. "Most of the best ones are."

!

He arrived home that night with groceries, feeling optimistic about the situation now that his cubicle-neighbors had reassured him everything would be fine before long. But when he unlocked his front door and stepped inside, it didn't take very long at all to realize that his house was in even worse shape than it had been when he'd left that morning: nothing at all was where it should have been, the now-empty refrigerator was open wide, and every water faucet in the house was on full blast.

Now, Sho prided himself on being a rational, easy-going guy. But even he had his limits, as his college roommates had learned every single time finals rolled around. He could feel the furious indignation bubbling up inside of him, and in a perhaps ill-fated attempt to push it back down, he stubbornly decided that the best course of action was to clean up before cooking a nice, sit-down dinner.

He started with the living room, and to his surprise, it actually went pretty smoothly. Everything stayed where he put it, even when he left to go find the broom and dust pan. By the time he retrieved his framed Yatterman poster from the pantry -- which one of his guests had apparently thought was a better fit -- and hung it back up on the living room wall, his anger had dissipated, and he was feeling quite accomplished and positive about the whole experience. Perhaps the otherworldly guests had taken the hint and left early so they wouldn't have to deal with Kitagawa-san's wrath.

And then he walked into the kitchen.

The very instant his foot crossed the threshold, he heard a weary creak from somewhere behind him, and then a horrifying crash. He spun around to find his worst fear realized: his Yatterman poster, face-down on the ground, its glass pane shattered into pieces that spread around it like an awful halo, like a thousand jagged puzzle pieces.

All of the frustration and anger came rushing back up, fueled by the helplessness and fear at having so little control in his own home. "That _does it_!" he screamed, unable to hold back now. "I'm getting rid of you, do you hear!"

He didn't know if the guests _could_ hear, but it felt cathartic to yell it out.

"All of you! Every last one! You'll all be gone soon, I swear! So have your fun now, because soon you'll be dead _for real_!"

In the responding silence, he started to deflate. The word echoed in his mind: _dead._ They were all dead. Here he was, in his beautiful home, with his wonderful job, and sure, it wasn't very fun to have unwanted supernatural guests who insisted on moving his things and running up his bills, but at least he was _alive_ , wasn't he? At least he was alive and his family's house hadn't been picked apart by some cheapskate company, uprooting his entire history just to save a few bucks. At least he was alive and some schmuck wasn't trying to erase him just for existing in the only space he had left.

He felt sad for them, all of them, and ashamed of himself for blowing up. But where yelling had felt so therapeutic before, the thought of apologizing to an empty room now seemed awkward. Instead he propped the poster against the wall and swept up the mess, silent but for the sounds of glass. He put the groceries in the fridge, uncertain if they'd still be there come morning, knowing only that he wasn't very hungry anymore, and went to bed early.

!

It was still dark when he woke up later that night, but he couldn't find the glowing numbers of his bedside clock. Perhaps it had been moved while he was sleeping. Just one more thing he'd have to put back later once this whole thing was finally over.

He yawned as he dragged himself out of bed with plans to get a glass of water from the kitchen, but when he flipped the light switch on his wall, nothing happened. He stumbled into the hallway, feeling around the walls clumsily, to find another light switch, but that one didn't work either. He groped his way back into the room to find his phone -- only half-charged despite being plugged in all night -- and used it as a flashlight to illuminate his path down the hall.

As he stepped out of the hallway and into the living room, he was just barely able to dodge out of the way when something flew towards him, missing him by a hair and crashing onto the floor behind him. A quick scan with his phone revealed a plate, now broken into several pieces. A bowl joined it in the next instant, followed by one of his nicer drinking glasses.

They were flying at him from the kitchen. He jumped back into the hallway, his heartbeat picking up with alarming speed. He had put all of those things back into their boxes, but now they were flying towards him at a rapid pace, getting a little closer to his hiding spot with each toss. Panic was spiking through his veins, but he was more worried for his wallet than his health. Every dish that shattered on his floor was a dish that would have to be replaced.

Then came the silverware.

It started with spoons, one right after the other, some of them actually managing to hit him. He scurried backwards down the hall, but somehow they kept coming, now with forks added in to the mix. He made it to his bedroom and slammed the door shut just as the steak knives made their appearance.

Crouched behind his door, jumping in his skin each time he heard a knife hit the other side, he unlocked his phone with shaky hands. It took a few rings, but finally he heard a voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Kitagawa-san! It's Sakurai!"

She gave a low, sleepy _tsk_. "I told you to call only for emergencies."

"Trust me," he said as a particularly heavy-sounding knife hit the other side of the door point-first. "This is definitely an emergency."

!

He apologized to his flowers for stepping on them as he climbed out through his bedroom window, and he felt a bit silly standing out on the sidewalk in nothing but a ratty T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants decorated with little cartoon shrimps -- but going back into the house to change was _not_ an option.

Kitagawa arrived within minutes. At least now he didn't feel so bad about being in his PJ's; she was in hers as well.

"That was fast," he said.

"I live nearby," she explained. "Why do you think I'm your assigned exterminator in the first place?" He didn't answer, as he was too busy staring at the fire axe he'd just realized she was carrying. "It's cold iron," she said, as if she were used to that sort of reaction. "Repels ghosts and other supernatural creatures."

He tried his best to look at her face instead of the sharp point of the axe. "Ah."

With a great sigh, she hefted the axe over her shoulder. "So, what's the emergency? This had better be good."

"It's _terrible_ ," Sho said. "I woke up and the power was out, and they started throwing my dishes, and earlier they -- ugh, they _broke Yatterman_ , and then they started throwing _knives_ at me --"

At that last part, Kitagawa looked seriously concerned. "Sometimes they can sense when they're about to be exterminated and will try to retaliate, but they rarely get that hostile."

"I, uh..." Sho swallowed, glancing down at his toes. "I might have... antagonized them."

When he glanced back up at her face, she seemed to be trying very hard not to roll her eyes at him. "Well, I can't move your date up," she said. "Your best bet is to find another place to stay until Thursday."

She was already moving back towards her car, but Sho stepped after her, holding his arms out imploringly. "But, wait! What about tonight? Where am I supposed to sleep?"

"Call a friend," she said over her shoulder.

"But I don't have any around here!" She looked back at him and opened her mouth to respond, but he cut her off. "And I don't have any coworkers' numbers, either! I'm new here, remember? And I've sort of been occupied with being harassed by invisible jerks in my own home."

She looked skeptical, still gripping the axe tightly, but at least she wasn't walking towards the car anymore.

"Kitagawa-san, please." He dropped to his knees, bowing deeply before her. " _Please._ I can't go back in there."

"Get up," she snapped, tugging on his shirt and glancing around as if there were anyone around to see. "Come on, get up, that's embarrassing. Fine, you can spend the night at my place." He jumped to his feet, ready to thank her, but this time she was the one who cut him off. "But only on the condition that you don't touch anything, don't try anything, and don't tell anyone! The last thing I need is a bunch of terrified customers who think I'm an innkeeper." She turned towards the car, then spun back around to point a menacing finger at him. "And you're sleeping on the couch."

"Thank you!" he cried, scurrying after her towards the car. "You won't regret it, I promise!"

She unlocked the back door and threw the axe inside with a grumble. "You'd better be right about that."

!

Kitagawa's house was only a few blocks east, its layout nearly identical to Sho's. As she let him in and offered a pair of cozy slippers, though, he saw that the inside was decidedly more... spartan. At first he thought she hadn't added many personal touches, but then he realized that maybe that just _was_ her personality: functional, unpretentious, straight to the point.

"Bathroom's down the hall," she said, pointing. "And I'll get you some blankets and pillows. Do you need anything else? Tea?"

"No, thank you." He smiled, finally feeling some of the tension drain from his shoulders. "Really. Thank you."

For the first time since he'd met her, she smiled back at him. It was almost startling, seeing such an expression when he was so used to her mouth being settled in a grim line -- but it felt sincere. Then she turned away, walking down the hall to get the blankets and pillows, taking her axe with her.

When Sho sat down on the couch, that's when he noticed the curio cabinet on the other side of the room. It was the splashes of red, purple, and white that caught his eye; as he stood and walked closer, he saw that the cabinet was filled with assorted memorabilia for some character he found vaguely familiar. It was a woman with long, dark hair and violet eyes, dressed in what looked like a modified school uniform with a red sailor's collar, pleated red skirt, and purple bow on her chest. Most of the pieces on the cabinet are dolls and figures, but there are also trading cards, stickers, charms, pins, cups...

Behind him, Kitagawa said, "So you found my collection."

He turned around to see her setting the blankets and pillows down onto the couch. He could be imagining it, but she looked a bit bashful. "Is this Sailor Moon?"

"Sailor Mars," she corrected him.

He joked, "I take it you're fond of her? Maybe just a little?"

He could hardly believe her reaction: she actually laughed. "A little bit," she said. "When I was a kid, I wanted to be her when I grew up. I even made all my friends call me Rei-chan."

So Kitagawa wanted to be a superhero. Sho thought fondly of his Yatterman poster and sympathized. "So what changed?"

"What makes you think anything changed?" She was pretending to look offended, but he could see that she was still laughing underneath it. "I saved your ass, didn't I?"

He laughed as well. "True!"

"And do you know what Sailor Mars could do without even needing to be in costume?"

Sho didn't have the slightest idea, but he kept smiling, waiting for her to continue. He'd grown so used to the stoic, stone-cold Kitagawa-san that this new side of her seemed like a treasure. "What could she do?"

With a special sort of smile, Kitagawa stepped forward and reached out to adjust one of the pieces in her collection. She angled it towards Sho to let him see: it was a hologram card, depicting Sailor Mars throwing out a white scroll towards a monstrous enemy. Kitagawa ran her fingertips along the edge of the card's protective plastic sleeve. She was no longer looking at Sho, her eyes focused solely, with such bright, loving intensity, on the card.

Kitagawa said, "She vanquished evil spirits."

!

She let him borrow her phone charger, showed him where the kettle was in case he changed his mind about tea, and reminded him that she had an axe at her bedside in case he thought about trying something in the middle of the night.

He slept fitfully, dreaming all night of decaying old grannies dripping blood onto his carpet, but he woke up feeling well-rested. Kitagawa graciously drove him home and stood guard in his hallway so he could shower and get dressed for work.

"Thank you for everything," he said as they got back into the car so she could drive them to work. "I mean it."

"I'm not done yet," she reminded him. "Your appointment isn't until Thursday. Make sure you find someone else to stay with until then!"

!

At work, Aiba was extremely excited to hear about Sho's experience and decided that they should focus entirely on ghost-themed experiments for that day -- although Ohno's calm reminder that they didn't have any ghosts on hand to experiment with made Aiba re-think his plans. Instead he gave them paperwork to do for the day while he went up to the ninth floor to ask the employees there if it were possible to capture a ghost for some probably harmless experimentation -- "You know, like in a Pokeball," he said, "or maybe just a glass jar."

Back in the cubicle jungle, Matsumoto and Nino were horrified and amazed, respectively, when he told them his story.

"That's awful!" Matsumoto exclaimed. "Mine just made a lot of noises. I'm so sorry."

"Mine hid my video games," Nino said gravely. "But I guess yours sounds pretty troublesome too."

Sho said, "Oh, thank you," going along with the joke, and then: "But, you guys have both had your... guests... exterminated, right? No stragglers?"

"Oh, there are hardly ever stragglers," Matsumoto said.

Nino added, "I heard Toma-kun up in marketing has one, but it turns off his lights when he forgets to, so he doesn't really mind."

Sho said, "Oh. Well, uh -- I was wondering if maybe, you know, since your houses are both safe, and my appointment isn't until Thursday, and Kitagawa-san said I shouldn't stay there..."

"She said that?" Matsumoto asked. "Wow, it must have been pretty bad."

Sho wondered what part of "knives were flying at my head" had failed to communicate how bad it was.

"What Jun-kun means," Nino said, "is that _of course_ you can spend a few days at his place --"

"Hey!"

"-- and he's such a good host that he'll even pick up some beer on the way home, and because I know you two nerds would be incredibly bored otherwise, I suppose I won't mind tagging along to grace you with my presence."

"How considerate," Matsumoto deadpanned.

Nino flashed his sparkling two-fingered salute.

!

After work, the three of them piled into Matsumoto's car while he and Nino debated what kind of beer they should get; Matsumoto apparently preferred the higher-end brands, but Nino insisted that cheap tasted better.

"I hate to interrupt," Sho said, "but can we swing by my place real quick? I just want to pick up some things."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Matsumoto asked.

"Kitagawa-san took me there this morning and said it was fine. I'll be quick!"

"Well," Nino said haughtily from the backseat, "if Kitagawa-san said it was okay."

Matsumoto reluctantly agreed, then insisted that he and Nino accompany Sho inside, just in case. They gaped at the mess when Sho let them in; even Sho grimaced, seeing how much worse everything was than it had been when he'd gone to sleep last night. As they stood there making sympathetic noises about his dishes, he sprinted down the hallway and into his room, beelining for the closet so he could grab a duffel bag and some clothes for the next few days. He could hear Matsumoto and Nino's voices drifting in from the living room, talking about how Yatterman would take down some otherworldly guests if he came up against them. Sho moved to his dresser and started pulling out shirts to pack.

Suddenly he heard a metal clang from the doorway. He whipped around, his pulse skyrocketing, and saw that one of the larger knives that had gotten stuck in the door had fallen to the ground. That was it. He heaved a sigh of relief and turned back to rifling through his underwear drawer for another pair of clean boxers. Had he really forgotten to do laundry?

Behind him, the door creaked.

He turned, slowly, to look, afraid of what he might see. The door was inching slowly closed, almost as if from a light breeze. His heart pounding once again, he glanced around for something he could use to keep it propped open. He stepped forward, reaching out -- and the door slammed shut, the lock clicking audibly.

He yelled and leaped for the door, grabbing at the knob to try and twist it open, but neither the lock nor the door would budge. From the living room, Matsumoto and Nino were calling his name, and he shouted back at them, "I'm in the bedroom! The door won't open!"

Footsteps and panicked voices came thundering down the hall, followed by hands jiggling the knob from the other side of the door. After several seconds of futile jostling, Matsumoto cried, "It won't open!"

Sho did his best to breathe calmly and think rationally. "I'll just climb through the window," he said, remembering how he'd escaped the night before.

But as soon as he turned, the window slammed shut as well; when he ran forward to try and yank it open, just like the door, the latch wouldn't budge.

He looked around to find something he could smash the glass with, turning just in time to see the knife -- the one that fell before -- hovering in the air and aimed right at his head. He yelped and jumped away from the window just as the knife flew towards him. It ended up embedded in the window frame, but Sho didn't stick around to see what happened to it after that. He dropped to his belly and wriggled his way underneath his bed, curling up there in hopes that it would be enough to protect him. With shaking hands, he grabbed his phone from his back pocket and pulled up Kitagawa's number. He had only just managed to press the call button when his phone flew out of his hand, crashing into the wall. It fell to the floor in pieces.

Frightened as he was, it was becoming more difficult to breathe, to think clearly. He tried hard to remember everything he'd ever heard about how to protect himself from the otherworldly guests who were plaguing his home, but all he could remember was that stupid salt.

His gaze snapped to the floor just beyond the shadow of the bed. _The salt._ The extra thick circle he'd drawn around his bed was still there, though with everything going on, the barrier had been broken in a few places. He was still trembling and terrified, but he forced himself to inch closer to the edge of bed so he could reach out to one of the gaps and nudge the salt back into place.

As soon as his hand appeared from under the bed, one of his scented candles went flying towards it. He flinched back just in time and took another moment to re-gather his courage so he could try again. He wasn't so lucky the second time. The next candle hit its mark, smashing into his wrist with such force that he swore he felt something crack. He couldn't choke back a pained scream or the urge to withdraw his arm and cradle his wrist against his chest. He wondered a bit hysterically if the economy package included hospital bills for injuries incurred before the damned extermination could even take place.

His wrist was throbbing, he was scared out of his mind, and he could hear Matsumoto and Nino yelling for him out in the hallway, but all he could do was breathe. Breathe and try to finish fixing the salt barrier.

It took some careful maneuvering, but he managed to close one of the gaps. Objects kept flying at him -- more candles, heavy books, his alarm clock -- and enough of them made contact that he knew his arm would be covered in bruises later. But closing that first gap gave him the strength to keep going, and before he knew it, all that remained was a single, tiny hole in the line of salt.

As he wriggled his way towards that last gap, he noticed a light breeze coming from... where? The door and window were both shut tight, weren't they? He only had a moment longer to wonder, and then the breeze picked up into a great rush of wind, the kind he imagined raging inside furious cyclones that ripped entire houses apart. His window shattered with the force of it, raining glass shards down around him.

And then, his bed -- his precious, beloved bed -- his only shelter -- it flipped over, caught in the racing wind. It crashed into the wall opposite the window, its wooden frame cracking and splintering with a sound like a tree branch snapping in half. Now he was lying there below nothing, completely exposed. Even the salt barrier, his last hope, had been destroyed by the wind. There was nothing left to protect him.

Suddenly the room felt cold. Within moments, Sho's trembling turned to shivering, his breath coming out in white puffs. He looked up to see a figure materializing near the window: it was that woman, the one he saw walk right through his wall, the one Kitagawa had said was the source of all he'd seen and experienced since moving in. The woman was old and bruised and looked furious as she wrapped a bony hand around the handle of the knife, pulling it effortlessly from where it had become embedded in the window frame.

The woman hissed at Sho through yellow teeth, and she lunged for him.

Sho curled up instinctively, a scream bubbling in his throat -- but in that same instant, the bedroom door burst open. He looked up expecting to see something horrific, but instead he saw Kitagawa, her cold-iron fire axe gripped in both hands, anger burning in her eyes. She rushed forward and swung at the old woman with the axe; the woman shrieked and dematerialized, dropping the knife to the floor just inches from Sho's head.

"Come on!" Kitagawa yelled, reaching out for him. She helped him to his feet and tugged him out of the room and down the hallway, through the living room where objects were flying in a violent whirlwind. They swerved and dodged, and finally, finally, made it out the front door with its busted-in lock, made it down the front steps and to the sidewalk where Sho dropped to his knees and gasped for breath.

Matsumoto and Nino were out there as well, huddled together beside Kitagawa's car. They rushed forward to join Sho, and he was relieved to see that they were both unharmed. He would never have been able to forgive himself if either of them had gotten hurt in there all because he'd wanted to pack a night bag.

"Are we safe out here?" Matsumoto asked.

Kitagawa nodded, looking back at the house. "She can't get past the front door." She was breathing hard, still gripping the axe like she was ready to swing at a moment's notice. She looked at each of them in turn, then down at Sho who was still on the ground in a heap. She knelt beside him and guided his gaze to hers with a firm hand under his chin.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I almost died in there," he gasped. "But you -- you saved me. How did you even -- ?"

"I told you to call me if there was an emergency, right? I thought it was odd that you'd hang up after only two rings, so I came to check on you. You're lucky I was home or I might not have made it in time." She unhanded him and looked up at the other two. "What were you idiots even _doing_ here?"

As Matsumoto and Nino stuttered out their answers, Sho looked around, processing everything Kitagawa had just said. He'd just been attacked in his home by a vicious ghost, he'd only barely made it out in one piece, and he still had to pay fifty-thousand yen before his house would be livable once again. And even after that, he would most likely never forget what had happened to him within those walls.

But here he was, breathing, alive, looking up at the two men who had stuck with him -- at the woman who had risked her life to save him.

Kitagawa was right: Sho really was quite lucky.

!

His wrist, as it turned out, was not broken, but the injury had earned him a few days off work -- paid, which was probably thanks to the respectful but firm conversation Matsumoto had with management on Sho's behalf.

He spent the rest of the week crashing at Matsumoto's place. Most nights, Matsumoto came home with Nino in tow, and the three of them drank and recuperated and watched movies that had nothing to do with ghosts, spirits, or otherworldly guests of any kind.

On Friday morning, Kitagawa called him on his new, company-issued cell phone. "The extermination was yesterday," she told him. "Everything went smoothly. We even fixed the doors and replaced the bed for free."

He whistled. "How extravagant!" He felt gratified to hear her laugh on the other end.

"You can return whenever you want. It might take a few weeks for the smell of incense to go away, but other than that, the house should be back to normal."

"Could be worse. Hey, Kitagawa-san," he said, serious now though he was still smiling. "Thank you so much for everything, including saving my life. I mean it. Sailor Mars would be proud."

She made flustered noises on the other end before bidding him a hurried farewell. He couldn't help the affection that sprouted up inside of him.

!

When he returned home that night, he was braced for the worst. Gushing water, flickering electricity, flying cutlery... but nothing happened. The house was silent and still, and everything worked the way it was supposed to, and though Kitagawa and her crew hadn't exactly cleaned the place up, all of the salt and broken glass had been swept away. His other possessions were packed up in boxes, ready to be returned by Sho's loving hands to their rightful places around his beautiful new home.

He put the living room back in order, then made a quick trip to the grocery store for dinner, and was delighted to find when he returned that everything was exactly the way he'd left it. He made dinner in his messy but peaceful kitchen, and it was the most glorious meal he'd had in recent memory. Afterward, he took a long soak in the tub, letting the warm water draw out all of the fear and tension and anger that had been building up inside of him for days and days.

He remembered how happy he'd been to move into this house, this neighborhood, this new part of his life, and he thought that now that happiness had been doubled. Now he knew he was safe, and now he knew what he had to look forward to when he returned to work on Monday, and now he knew that there would be friends waiting for him there.

Now, it really was everything he'd ever wanted.

It wasn't until he got out of the tub and started drying off that he heard it: the soft, ringing sound of a child's laughter.

In the still-full bathtub, an unseen force splashed the water playfully, and Sho deeply and woefully regretted settling for the only _mostly_ effective economy package.

Well, at least now he would have another reason to call Kitagawa.


End file.
